Beautiful Ugly

You only enjoy what you are good at.” (–not sure who)

A simple idea that I reworked several times in my journal.

What if I love to draw, no matter what it looks like?

I ask myself this question a lot, because it’s a bit of a dilemma. After all, drawing is a visual art, and I am pretty sure art is supposed to look good.

But sometimes when I scribble, I have no real objective–and that’s the point of doodling, right? It’s to keep your hand (and part of your mind) occupied while the rest of you is busy doing something else. For me, that”something else” is a relaxed mental state that allows me to review, in my mind, whatever is troubling me in a non-judgemental way.

I work out problems. I temporarily forget disappointments. I feel hopeful that things will get better.

When I draw, or doodle, or makes marks on paper, of whatever you call it, or when I create a collage, it feels like I’m writing out a story without words. This means that I don’t have to try to find the right way to say something or even worry about grammar. I don’t have to wonder if someone will read it and misunderstand me, because I’m not trying to send a clear, comprehensible message. I can get it all out on paper, but feel safe at the same time.

So I keep working in my art journals, although most of the pages will never be “nice” enough to post to flickr or facebook. Because while the results might be ugly, but the process is beautiful.

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